The Story of Kevin and me

I don't want to hold back anymore. (And yet, I sort of do.) I've been in this odd ass relationship with Kevin. I don't think that either of us would admit that the word "Boyfriend" ever would pop up. I dunno. He is admittingly my best friend, no doubt. Lotsa things in common with Kevin. He got me back into reading comic books, which I loved as a kid. And I’m back reading the pages of Green Lantern and JLA, while he's reading up on his X-men. A DC versus Marvel kind of thing. Anywho, I’ve gotten off topic now haven't I?

Kevin. My first real adult relationship. No cheesy high school antics or internet relationships could compare. I fell for him. Really really hard. According to my journal, which I never write in, I said "I'm falling so hard, it's scaring me." It was...is never anything I’ve experienced in my life. It started off...sometime before Halloween, when I hung out and slept in Kevin's room. Not with Kevin, in his bed and Kevin was in Joe's (his roommate) bed, Joe of course wasn't there that weekend. From that night, there have been countless times of me crying my ass off. That night I broke down about how I’m a disappointing son. How I could never reach the expectations of how wonderful my grandfather was. How much I can hate on myself really hard. I want to say something like blaming it on Virgo-isms. Verrrrry Critical. He was there. He was listening to me. I think that's when I fell for him. Someone who would actually listen to me. Me! Someone who could process things. I realized how much now that many people would listen. I just need to open up more often.

The odd sexual experience. Me being very inexperienced. Kevin helped me with that. I mentioned in my year end blog that it was the first time I had sex in 2004. It was with Kevin. It was awkward, though one time just recently, the best sex ever. Anywho. We broke up how many times? Twenty? Thirty? Well actually it's like five. But it's because we're afraid. Kevin believes that I deserve better. Kevin needs to find himself.... I need to find myself. Umm...give me a second to recover a sec.

Here is an excerpt from something I wrote to Kevin (via email):

...The fun times.

Remember that time that we were walking and we got pizza? Yeah really

random, but I still remember that the pizza had no tomato sauce and

had garlic on the top. I never really had something that quality or

consistency before. I still have to thank you for helping me find the

comic book store. I see what I missed from my childhood: Reading. That

one time at Burger King. The story about wanting to eat that stray

cat. You trying to teach me about astronomy and pointing the stars at

me and me not getting it. I'm such a blind fuck. Field P is magical,

and it helps me see things at a perspective. Us hanging out at the

gazebo and trying to figure out what's up. I sorta liked that gazebo.

I also liked the swings, but I only got to try that once on a Saturday

morning. I liked your Christmas present. I guess I'm really a Virgo,

it was a book (Two words: Jon Stewart). I bought it at best buy. Odd.

The word "tweed". That rock bench was really cold and yet we always

hung out there all the time. I see now how crazy we actually were.

That song from showboat. Eh, I can't really remember the words... heh

remember that time that you were whistling "love will keep us

together"? Heh Heh. Or that time when we went to Janelle to get the

lands end shirts that never showed up? Or those times when we would

just stare out into the pond? God, why do people dislike the pond? It

was quasi-romantic, us sitting on the picnic table and me just sorta

leaning on your shoulder.

It's not like it's over, Kevin is my best friend. I would still love him even if. We went to dinner on Saturday and it was wonderful. We're going to do that again, but it just won't be called a "date" but rather more of a way for a freshman to eat food that's not Hasbrouck Dining Hall. Kevin also wants me to see what might happen between Chris and I. He wants us to hang out at least once over the spring break. But I ...dunno.

I'm sure there are lots that I haven't covered yet. But it might make me cry. And I'll learn to cope with things soon.

-Mike.

PS Keep this to yourself. Don't say a word to your parents about this. I will tell them myself one day.