Black Friday: The Human Side.

There are several phrases I hear on Black Fridays:

“Shit”
“Oh Shit”
“Holy Shit”
“Fuck”
“Mother Fucker”
“Oh My God/Lord/Word”
“Oh Hell”
“Jesus”
“Bitch”
“Bastard”

Getting to the point, I hear most of the terms at the radio station’s notorious eighteen. And some in Spanish too! It’s not that upsetting, it’s actually quite natural and very forgiving. Who wouldn’t blame a mother who woke up at 4 in the morning just to go to Toys ‘R Us to get their child the newest toys…or last years Elmo. Equipped with a purse and Snoopy stationary, she slips a “Jesus Christ” and asks herself why she continues to go to Black Friday shopping. Now it’s a totally different story when the mom (and dad) bring the kid at 5 to Toys ‘R Us; I find that shoddy parenting. I mean sure, you don’t want to leave your kid home, but a lot of the time the husband isn’t doing anything anyway.

Where is my story going? Oh yeah. When I woke up (late) and went to Best Buy right as I walked in I heard this conversation:

Woman 1: She got the last one.
Woman 2: She did? Can we beat her up and take it from her?

I knew it was Black Friday. Cranky Yonkers (and Bronx) citizens trying to get the sales.

But I’m not gonna complain about me not being able to find my speaker until last minute, or apparently getting in the wrong line, it’s about the people I stood with. Behind me for a whole while was a biracial looking woman (She looked half-Asian/half-white). Quite a nice lady. She maintained her calm while dragging a keyboard. Instead of sideways, easily pushing it across, she was dragging the keyboard up and down. I asked her if she needed any help but she refused. Her daughter was running around trying to find things (I will mention as a side that the daughter looked seven) including a microphone for Karaoke Revolution for the Xbox (which was only 5 dollars). I would have very much considered but I was actually budgeting this year.

After buying some speakers (for my new desktop which hasn’t shipped yet) and Matilda (because I had to) I headed over to Target. Same parking spot that I always park on, 3113. No one ever seems to ever park there. I walked past Filene’s Basement and they were giving away Dunkin’ Donuts to their customers. That’s quite nice; the closest I got to nice was when I was at KB toys and while in line one of the workers gave everyone candy canes. And I walked into target with a shopping cart. I headed over to the flash drives, and stared at one. It was supposed to be on sale for 7.57 but it didn’t exactly look like the picture* in the ad. Confused, I decided to go back to it later and look around for other things. I decided to pick up some Christmas decoration, so that the tree will look more like a penguin. I got back to the flash drives; another woman was there and was staring also. She turns to me and says, “You looking for the flash drive on sale? It’s that one.” She pointed to the one I’ve been staring at the whole time. I grabbed two, one in white and one in black; though I was disappointed because there was a teal-blue one that someone must have taken while I did my rounds. I was very happy with Target’s check out counters because almost all of them were open, thus no lines.

*In retrospect when I opened the white flash drive, I turned it around to its back and took off the little USB cap and voila, it looked like the picture. Like the children in “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego” I will use the defense that it was backwards so I didn’t know which was which.

Right when I was leaving there was a woman on the elevator who didn’t know where she was going. I find it funny when someone walks into an elevator and then just stands there. Like they forgot the whole moving-via-button-pressing. So I pressed the button and went to the third floor. By the time the door opened she was like “Shit, where was I.” Couldn’t help her there. I walked passed another woman who asked me how Target was (She must have known from the bags I was holding) and I told her how it was busy, but the lines were wicked fast. Okay I didn’t say “wicked”, actually I may have said “quite”.

I drove back home (no trouble there) and when I got home my mother was waiting for me. We now apparently have a ritual where we go to Kohl’s on Black Friday. I was nice and after getting a pair of pants and shirts, a panda… and Chutes and Ladders, I stood in line. I was sandwiched by a nice Hispanic Lady (who also had a friend walking around) and Two Chinese Women behind me. The Hispanic Lady was very nice, often turning around at me telling me witty comments about how they strategically put items around the queue so that you’d buy them. The Chinese women were talking life until one shows up with a Silicone pot holder. They ended up reading the label, because one woman was like “Doesn’t rubber burn?” 500 Degree Resistance, yadda, yadda, yadda. The two reminded me of two of the mothers in The Joy Luck Club. Nice ladies too.

My mother, on the other hand, ran around grabbing pot holders, and towels, and jackets, and gloves. When she did stop, she didn’t stand next to me, instead picked a denim display and sat there. When we moved closer to the checkout she would move to a display closer to the checkout until we were close. The checkout lady was nice too. She complimented me on my clearance rack skills. And I love when people compliment me on that. She also loved the panda; I guess everyone else was getting either the brown bear or the polar bear. I liked the panda. And there was only one…and he kinda looked like he fell asleep on his side. The special ones always get the stares I guess.

I sat at the Buffet table with my mother after all our shopping had occurred. It was nice. We were both tired, she had a little more drama at the hospital, but all in all we were satisfied with the shopping spree.

(I guess the age of mythology story will be for another time since I’m outta time and too tired to type.)

- Paz